wanna go halves on a baby?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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