he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
