sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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