I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
