I molested 6 butterflies tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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