literally had 100 drinks last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
