My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
