I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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