dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
