Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
