The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
