He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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