remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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