i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
