My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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