omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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