You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
