it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
