Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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