At least make sure they are 18
Why
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
