If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
