wanna go halves on a baby?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were trust falling into bushes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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