you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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