Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
