I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
