Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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