Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've blown a few things in my day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
