No period for spring break; use this wisely.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
