Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
