the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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