I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
