I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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