OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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