She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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