Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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