I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
