Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
