I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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