and you said cock pushups were impossible
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
