If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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