they need to just BURY HIM!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
