I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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