Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
