Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
