i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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