I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
