I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
