Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
