Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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