I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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