some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
honey bunches of taint.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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