why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
