I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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