she was so not down for the gang bang
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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