I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
