He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
