You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm always down for nudity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
