I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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