rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
