I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
