Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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