I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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