I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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