I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
