Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
