From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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