we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
