bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
