I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
