I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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