no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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